His Hardest Battle
by I'maGirlWhoWritesAndDraws
Summary: *SPOILERS FOR S3E3* Sherlock is gone and this is John's hardest battle. Please read it, and R&R I really do appreciate the feed back! This is just a one-shot. T to be safe


**Hey Guys! This is based after His Last Vow, only Moriarty hasn't returned and Sherlock has been exiled. Hope you guys like it, sorry it's kinda sad. This can be interrupted however you like, but I - obviously - see it as JohnLock... enjoy it. **

**P.S I am sorry if there are any mistakes I will re-read it another time to give myself time to be able to spot the mistakes but I really wanted to post it. **

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><p><span>Month One: No contact;<span>

_Sherlock bloody Holmes. Gone again, I guess this time he said goodbye. That's something I guess. But why did he do it! He shouldn't have killed Magnussen, not for me, not for Mary, not even for the baby! _John looked to Mary's bump and sighed; no he shouldn't have done it even for the baby. Mary was getting more tired as the pregnancy grew, he needed to take the stress off her but he didn't know what to do, he was still slightly mad at her. Of course he had forgiven her, but he was still mad. Mary knew this; she also knew he was suffering nightmares due to what had happened to Sherlock.

"John, are you alright love?" Mary asked a hand on her swollen belly, "John, please talk to me?" Sometimes there were days where he needed to talk to someone else because looking at Mary reminded him of what selfless act Sherlock did for _them_ and it killed him a little inside each time. Today was one of those days.

"I'm going out. Why don't you get some rest." He said and she smiled to him sympathetically. He walked to Baker Street. Letting himself in was the only thing that kept him thinking things were the same.

"John, dear come on in." Mrs Hudson stated and ushered him inside, "sit down, John we need to talk."

"What is it, Mrs Hudson?" John asked and she looked at him her face full of sorrow. "What is it, Mrs Hudson?" He repeated. "What's wrong?"

"Have you had any communication whatsoever, from Sherlock?"

"Mrs Hudson, we were told quite plainly... we will never speak with him again." John said regrettably. _**Since this is probably the last time I'll **__**speak to John can we have a moment**__. _John shook his head slightly trying to stop the tears and left the table and turned his back to her. He brought his fist to his chin and tried to control his emotions. He sighed deeply and turned back to Mrs Hudson. "Sorry." He apologised and she smiled.

"No need to apologise, dear. Tea?" She asked and he nodded and sat down again. "How's Mary?"

"Tired, she needs to rest so I left her for a bit to sleep." He said and Mrs Hudson nodded understanding.

"Well; have you decided a name?" She asked and John shook his head.

"We're waiting until we meet her, that's the best way to do it." He said and accepted the tea from her with a smile. "Thank you."

John and Mrs Hudson sat there and just talked to one another for hours and then when John returned home he saw Mary sleeping in the chair. He smiled and noticed what gift he had been given. He laid a blanket over her and went to make them some dinner.

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><p><span>Month three: The Baby;<span>

John looked down to the sleeping baby girl in his arms and he noticed that he was crying, he only noticed when he saw the droplets falling onto the blanket. He wiped them away and smiled. He looked to see Mary sleeping peacefully; she had had a long day so he told her to sleep and that he would look after the baby. "He would be so proud of you, you know. Sherlock Holmes would have been so proud to call you his God Daughter." He was now crying a lot more now and he didn't even bother to wipe them away, it was late, it was unlikely anyone was come in now.

"Amelia Rose Watson." He sighed and heard in his head. _Rosie. _In Sherlock's voice in his head which caused him to sigh and more tears fell on to Amelia-Rose's blanket. "I love you." He whispered into the darkness.

Pulling Amelia-Rose tightly he sighed and kissed her forehead. "John? Are you okay?" He heard Mary ask behind him.

"Hmm. Yea fine." He said and looked to her.

"Can I hold Amelia Rose?" Mary asked and John gently placed her in his arms.

"Of course," he said sitting in his chair once more.

"She's beautiful, and she's all ours." Mary said with tears picking in her eyes. "It hurts me too, you know?" She asked looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, I know, I know." John said moving closer to the bed.

"Good, I just wanted you to know, you're not your own." She said.

"Mary, our daughter has _just _been born, let's not talk about this now." John said and moved his gaze to his daughter. She was sleeping so peacefully and so oblivious to the world. He wanted to keep it that way, he wants to make sure she is protected in life.

"Right I know, I know, sorry." She said and smiled at her, "she's amazing, isn't she."

"Yeah. Yeah she is." He began to let his mind wander and he excused himself and said he needed to get something from their home. Mary nodded knowing what he was doing.

John entered his room and went to the attic to collect his diary and then returned to his and Mary's room.

_**Dear Sherlock,**_

_**Today my daughter was born. We didn't call her Sherlock I'm afraid – sorry. We called her Amelia Rose, we saw her and thought that was the perfect name for her. Amelia Rose Watson. Prefect name don't you think? **_

_**I wish you were here, you know. Remember when we asked you to be the God Father? You would've been so proud to call her your God Daughter. Mary's hair, we don't know whose eyes yet. But it is clearly my nose. God I wish you could meet her. I just wish you were here not in Eastern Europe or whether you are now. **_

_**Love John**_

He closed the book and let the few tears fall on to the page. He took a deep breath and returned the book back upstairs in the attic.

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><p><span>Month five: A letter to an old friend;<span>

Sherlock looked at the letter from Mycroft not many words were exchanged between the brothers it was the last sentence that had Sherlock on the brink of tears.

_**Oh, by the way, they had a baby girl. And her name is Amelia Rose Watson. **_He smiled at his best friend's choice of names, something told him that wasn't a middle name, and that her name was Amelia-Rose much like there is Sarah-Jane. He loved that name; he also already knew he loved his God Daughter that he would never have the fortune of meeting. This made him very sad. "I'm so sorry John," he said and wiped his eyes finding that he was crying.

He took out the paper he had been saving for this very reason and started writing the words he had been dreading for the last four months. He found they came to him very easily and he didn't have to think about what he wanted to say to him.

He turned to the person who had entered the tent and smiled some-what sadly. "Time to go Mr. Holmes." He said and stood tall.

"You're my brother's delivery man, yes?" When the man nodded in confirmation he added. "Give him this."

"What is it?" He asked. "You cannot communicate with them."

"This is different, you'll find Mycroft will take it willingly, I don't know why he can send me letter and not me to him." Sherlock said rather annoyed.

"But sir, you still haven't answered. What is it?!"

"It's a letter to an old friend." He said and left the tent willingly.

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><p><span>Month six: Letter received...;<span>

"John, there's a letter for you, I think it's from _him._" Mary said looking at the hand writing. John went to open it for them both to read. "No, it's only addressed to you, you read it, I don't want to know. It's probably personal."

"Thank you." John said hugging her.

"I know," She said letting him go. She swallowed and went to tend to Amelia-Rose, knowing it wasn't good news in that letter.

_**To my Dear John,**_

_**John, I saved this paper so I knew that I would be able to say goodbye. This time, this time I'm going to do it right... **_

_**You are the one person I do not regret meeting, and I have met a lot of people, John, I do not say that lightly. – stop laughing! – **_

John tried to stop a chuckle at that, he scanned the paper and saw that there were water strains on the paper and he closed his eyes knowing Sherlock was crying when he had written this. He then carried on.

_**With you it was a pleasure meeting, and if I could I would meet you all over again... only the second time I would try to get it right. I didn't do too well the first time round did I? How many times did I mess up your life John? **_

"None, you didn't mess up my life Sherlock, you really didn't..."

_**I would like to say that you pick names better than your parents. Amelia-Rose Watson is much better that Hamish... Who gives their son the middle name Hamish?! **_

"Thanks Sherlock..."

– _**Mycroft has been keeping me informed of how the pregnancy was doing. **_

"I'll have to remember to thank him."

_**Right sorry back to the point, I wish I could've met her once, I really do. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to keep you, Mary and her safe. But now I can't so you'll have to find someone else to do it. **_

"Sherlock... what do you mean?!"

_**I'm never going to see you again, that is my last regret in life, is that I have to die alone, John. And it is the worse feeling imaginable, promise me John. Promise me that when you die you don't die alone. I wouldn't want that to happen, not to you, you're too kind for that to happen to you. You never, ever, thought of yourself John. That is one of the things I loved about you – working with you I mean. **_

"You really can be an idiot sometimes!"

_**I'm going to miss this life, you know? I didn't mean for any of this to happen, John, I sincerely didn't. I didn't mean to make this much of a mess. I just needed you safe. I needed to know that you were safe away from that thing. If I can even call him a thing. He doesn't even deserve to be called that. Not after what he did. **_

"Sherlock..." He said as the tears became more forceful. As he carried on reading.

_**See I have many people who have hurt people I lo-care about but its different when they go for you, it makes me sick to think people go for you when they're trying to get to me. And I am so sorry for that John, more sorry than you will ever know. **_

"Won't have missed it for the world."

_**Well, I have better end this now, Mycroft's delivery man is here, just know John, just know this, no matter what happens to me, you are always in my thoughts and that I am always with you. You were the one person I had the fortune of meeting.**_

_**You're in my thoughts, Sherlock**_

John wanted to scream, he wanted to yell at the sky but instead he sat there. He didn't move he just sat there the tears straining his cheeks and straining the paper; his tears now mixed with Sherlock's. He couldn't move, he had re-read that letter about ten times before Mary had come up to check on him.

"John, love, are you okay?"

John bowed his head folding up the letter; he turned to Mary. "He's going to die, Mary. This was just his goodbye, along with other things."

Mary smiled and hugged John around the shoulders. "He said goodbye, John." She said in a way to comfort him.

"Yeah. Where's Amelia-Rose?" He asked.

"Uh, she's in her room." Mary said and looked to the floor shocked and displeased by the news. She was going to be having words with Mycroft next time she saw him.

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><p><span>Month seven: The Bad News;<span>

"Hello, can I help you?" John asked, "oh Mycroft it's you, come on in."

"John, I'm not sure there is any easy way to say this..."

"How," He asked straight to the point. "How did he die?"

"Several Bullet wounds to the chest." Mycroft said and John turned away from him. "John I'm-"

"NO! I want to know something! He's your brother! And yet you sent him on a suicide mission! Why? Why did you do this to him!" John yelled and pointed at him. Mycroft looked to the floor.

"He knew it was, he pretended he didn't but I had actually proposed the idea at Christmas! He knew what he was letting himself into." Mycroft said trying not to let the emotion show. He was upset as John, if not then a little more.

"He would've told me..." John said in disbelief.

"Would he? You know Sherlock as much as anyone. Would he tell you?" Mycroft said and John fell into the chair and put his hand in his hands.

"Of course he wouldn't John, he did this to protect you." John tried to stop himself from crying but it didn't work, the fact that Mycroft was delivering the news told him it was real. It wasn't another faked death. Sherlock Holmes really was dead.

"John, I am truly undeniably sorry." Mycroft said and John nodded.

"How are you?" He asked as the tears kept falling.

"No matter what he said... I did care about him." He said his voice cracking slightly.

"I know," he said and Mary came in and looked like she was about to slap Mycroft but instead went to John side and hushed him as he cried.

"Get out, come back another day when he hasn't just heard the news that his best friend has died." Mary said firmly and Mary walked him to the door. She didn't slap him, or yell at him, she merely hugged him. He hugged her back and let a single tear fall. "I am sorry Mycroft, he was your brother, and you didn't want this to happen."

John stared blankly at the wall and silently cried with Sherlock's words ringing in his head. _**I am always with you.**_

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it, was it sad, or not? I think so, then again I cried while writing it, is that weird?<strong>


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